A new makeover!

Swami Sri Sri AvadhootaJagadSageAnanda, arise. The world sings your praises!

Flora, the goat, came in to the mansion. She woke up Swami K with a rough shake.
Swami IDontCareAHootAnanda! Swami ! You are in the papers! she said excitedly. You have hit big time. Now we will get thousands of devotees, and donations, and we can build that big golden temple for you. And I can be an acharya or leader!

Swami K rubbed his eyes. It took him a while to be able to read what was written. He rolled the paper tightly and gave Flora a smack on her hind legs.
The newspaper had written all about the digging and felling work at Arunachala Hill, and how the animals were homeless, all thanks to a godman named Swami K.
They have ruined me, he shouted.
Swami, Swami, said Flora trying to calm him down. There is a way out!
This all must be the doing of that Balanandaswami who deserted me. Or maybe those cubs and Spotty. I shall give them no grace whatever!
Swami, Swami With your boundless grace, I have thought of a way out. With your permission may I speak?
He smacked her again. Don't waste my time. Quick, out with it!
Lord, You could change your name. That way we can start afresh.
Yes, what a brilliant idea, but what name ?
Praps instead of Bhagavan Krackaswami we could call you ... er. ... Swami KrackedBhagavan ?
Swami K again smacked Flora with the newspaper. She went howling into the corner.

Get My team here!, shouted Swami K.
Flora went uptays. The first room housed what was informally known as the Inner Circle. They slept on the floor and lived on grass and water as part of their penance. This is how Swami K lives, they told everyone, extremely frugally.

The secret inner circle at Swami K's poses for a photo

She summoned the Inner Circle. They came down yawning. They had been up since 4 am chanting Swami K's name, in order to improve the cosmic consciousness.

How many rounds of 108 chants of My Name have you completed ? he thundered.
Today I am going to change My Holy Name!
Some expressed shock, since chanting His Name had become second nature to them. Others secretly were happy, because they were going nutty repeating 'Krackaswami' in their minds day and night.

You have several tasks, he bellowed.

1. You must ensure that when people google for "Sri Bhagavan", I should come first. I do not want You-Know-Who to come first. Do what you have to, bribe Google, fill the internet with blogs and websites about Me, but I should come first, NOT the young swami on the hill.

2. You must speed up work on our meditation courses. I hope you have finished studying Zen, the various Masters I told you about, Mahayana Buddhism, Yoga, the Upanishads and Sufi whirling. All this must be combined into our meditation courses, and made to look original.

3. You must build up arguments to run down all other spiritual gurus and masters. Especially the popular ones. I must be positioned as the first, last and only spiritual master.

4. I am henceforth to be called "Param Pujya, Parameshwar Paramananda Paramguru ji" by all. All promotional material will carry this name. Chanting this name will bring you even greater merit.

Some western followers had a problem understanding the name. It was important to indulge them, because western followers (west european, and American mainly) brought in the most money.

Western devotees trying to digest Swami's new name

Flora translated it for them. "Param" pronounced as "purum" means ultimate. "poojya" is venerable, or worthy of puja. ParamAnanda is the ultimate bliss, and paramguru is the highest guru.

The Biography Team live spartan lives

5. I also want a daily report from the Biography Team. My entire life must be shown to be a string of unending miracles from the day I was born. All references to My being a disciple of Jags should be erased. We will show him as My servant who went nutty with age.
My birth must be shown as very very special, with shooting stars and rainbows and lesser Gods showering flowers. I must be shown to be enlightened from birth.
Use your imagination and creativity!

A SHORT WHILE LATER, the cubs had just returned from giving lunch to Annamalai Swami when Aruna-cub heard a little rustling outside. Omcub ran out to see what it was. He was surprised to see Flora gluing a poster to the wall of Stripes' cave. He looked back and found that a similar poster had been stuck over their "The Lionses" sign!

"What are you doing here, Flora?" asked Om sternly.
"I am not Flora any longer. Swami TwoHootsAnanda has now given me a spiritual name, GraceAnanda! And it's none of your business."

Om read the poster slowly. He could only make out the word "Easy", and "Swami". The other words were new to him. He slipped in and called Arunacub. Aruna was able to read a little more. Its "Easy Enlightenment" he said. "In three days". But i cant read the swami's name. It's very long and complicated. Let's call Tirucub, he knows Sanskrit, suggested Om.
Tiru squinted at the poster, turned it over and looked at it from every angle. Its sortanly not a Sanskrit word i know, he confessed. But otherwise he said, it says that we can be enlightened in three days if we attend this meditation course and give huge donations.
Mum Lioness was called. She looked at the poster. What is the name, they all asked impatiently.

Mum Lioness let out a laugh like she had never done in a long time. Even Stripes came running out, concerned, along with several others who had been giving him a massage. He too had a look at the poster and burst into fits of laughter. Every time they would try to tell the cubs the name, a fresh round of laughter would start and they would clutch their sides.

Finally, after a lot of time had elapsed, and after umpteen failed attempts, (the cubs were getting cross!) Mum Lioness managed to get the name out completely in one go.
She said, "His new name is now Swami MiracleAnanda!"