Krackaswami hands down instructions

Back at the mansion, Krackaswami was beside himself.

He shouted on and on at Flora, "Inadequate gifts were brought to me, and that is the cause of today's failure. The universe has let me down! We lost Spotty! And all those little lions! The deeksha was ruined, interrupted! I will not stand for this! Get a laptop. Take notes!"



Flora dashed as fast as her little legs could carry her to get the laptop which Krackaswami had instructed her to use when his profound ideas poured forth. She came back and poised her hoofs above the keys.

"Prostrate at my feet before you receive my divine words! Am i to get NO respect in this wretched realm?"

Flora promptly put her forehead to the floor, leaving it there a good long time so the Lord did not get vexed again.

"Now, get this down carefully. We need to impose some discipline around here! The devotees SAY they are submitted, but how can they be, indulging themselves as they do. First, we will raise the tythes so high they will not have a single rupee left over to spend on toothpaste. Let's go for 25%. And as a back up to that, we will announce the new diet. Water, and 108 blades of grass a day. NO MORE!"

"But Lord of All, some of your bigger devotees will die on that ... and you yourself ... well ...." she bit her tongue, realizing this was not a good avenue to go down.

He went on as if he had not heard. "They must remove all books from their houses except those I deem sacred ... those by me ... my words right now can be the opening chapter of the first book. We must steady their minds with the Truth."

Flora's hooves tapped quickly on the keys.



"All must rise by 4am. Now fix me a steak and a stiff Scotch ... that's not part of the book ... I must purify this realm by taking these toxins into my holy form."

"Is that a kind of toffee? I don't know how to make toffees," said Flora anxiously. Vaguely, she remembered hearing of Scotch toffee.

"Well, now that you mention it, I WOULD like some toffees. But first, my steak and a large STIFF SCOTCH. Scotch is whiskey."

"Lord, I am a vegetarian goat ... for generations ... well since the beginning of goats, I suppose ... and I come from a family of teetotalers."

Krackaswami tipped back his head and began to bellow. The bellowing was so loud and so frightening that Flora forced herself to go out to the kitchen and prepare what Krackaswami had requested. He was still bellowing when she came back in with the tray neatly prepared for him.

"For the sake of the world, we will always refer to what I consume as water and 108 blades of grass," said Krackaswami, finally quieting down.

Flora, though devoted, was easily confused. "You want me to go pick 108 blades of grass?"

"No. NO!! NO!!! What I am telling you is that THIS" and he gestured to what was on his tray, "will always be known as my water and 108 blades of grass."

Flora looked at the tray, bewildered. "You are going to transform that into water and grass?" she asked. "I thought only those cubs had transforming powers ..."



"Oh for heaven's sake!" exploded Kracks. "Have you never told a LIE?! I am telling you to LIE about what I eat ... but it is not really a lie ... it is a very special privilege ... i am going to allow you to sculpt reality with me for the sake of the salvation of the billions of suffering souls ... this is a special form of blessing I grant to those closest to me. It will earn you more merit than all the rest. Now what am I eating here? What am I drinking?"

More merit than all the rest! All her life, Flora had lived in the shadow of Fiona, who was five minutes older. Wouldn't Fiona be green with envy!

"A stiff glass of water, and 108 blades of grass," said Flora, at last catching on.

"Oh, and one more thing," said Krackaswami with his mouth full. "This house is wholly inadequate for my ... our ... needs. We need a large temple, and construction must begin at once. Every one of my followers must contribute well beyond what they imagine they can afford. Now be off with you, while I finish up my water and grass here. Go and tell all my followers that we URGENTLY need a temple. And it rests on their shoulders to pay for it. I cannot sully my divine hoofs with money, so they must provide it all. Even as a youngster, I could not work, because I was destined for greater things. Now, tell them all to take night jobs as well as day ones. Stop standing there with your mouth open. Be off!"