A New Name

Flora came bounding across the mansion's lawn. Krackaswami, feeling a bit off, was nibbling on some grass.

"I have just seen something very interesting!" Flora began, quite out of breath. "I think I know how you can get a lot more devotees!"



"Go on."

"I have just seen a huge crowd lining up to see that tiger ... you know, the one who takes care of Spotty."

"WHAT?!?!" thundered Krackaswami Swami. "That TIGER?"

"Well, it was all a mistake ... but an easily duplicated mistake."

"What? What are you talking about? Get to the point."

"That tiger had a tired tongue or ..."

"Must I listen to the trivialities of this realm at all hours of the day and night! Tigers and their tongues! What next!"

"I am just getting to the point ... the tiger could not talk, from tongue troubles, and so huge crowds mistook him for a mouna swami ... you would not believe the line up at his cave."

"And I suppose he has milked the community, and every seeker for miles around, of every last rupee. Oh, the injustice! Here I stand, mistreated, unrecognized ... while some striped fellow, half-dozing in his cave no doubt, gets rich."

"Oh but that's the thing ... the tiger refused to go along ... he insisted they all go to you-know-who ... and they all got served a cup of tea."

"Well, if you are suggesting that I keep silence .... I have never heard of anything so absurd in all my life! Silent! When I have such glorious things to say! Go and fetch the laptop at once."

Oh no, thought Flora. She was coming to dread his outpourings of divine wisdom. But she did as asked.



"I had a divine revelation in the night," said Krackaswami as soon as Flora had the laptop open.

"It was revealed, in the night, that I am to have a new name. I have outgrown that old name. From now on, I am to be known as Sri Avadhootajagadsage."

"Sri Adajgodassuage?" asked Flora, trying to type the name into the computer.

"No! I said Sri Avadhootajagadsage. Now get it right."

"Sri Agasageahoot? Sri Agassiahoot?"

"NO! NO! It is very simple! Sri Avadhootajagadsage. Your inability to pronounce my sacred name is a sign that you are resisting my Divine transmission."

Flora somehow knew she would never be able to get the syllables in the right order.

She made one more attempt.

"Sri GagashoutySAGE!" She felt sure she had got the ending right ... less sure about the first part.

"Get Fiona. Let us hope at least SHE can get it right."

He had insisted that Flora bring her sister Fiona to help serve him, which Flora had mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it was something of a relief to see a familiar face around the mansion -- but Krackaswami loved to question each of them about the faults of the other privately, and then humiliate them in front of each other. Also, he had told them they each needed to bring fifteen more people to serve him or they would soon have to move out to make way for more devoted people.

Flora went inside and found her sister.



But Fiona, trying her best to demonstrate superiority over Flora, did not do much better. "Sri Avidhootingsage."

Dramatically, Avadhootajagadsage put a hoof to his forehead. Then he crumpled over sideways noisily.

Flora and Fiona rushed to his side. "Are you alright!?"

"Of course I am not, when the world mistreats me like this! How could I possibly be?"

"How can we help, Master?"