prosperity puja aftermath

Meanwhile, back at the cottage, Jyoti and Gurunathan were eating a different breakfast, quietly. They were aware they had almost no money at all. Swami Miracleananda had promised a great burst of prosperity for them. He had held what he called a Prosperity Puja. First, all devotees were given a strange drink. It had tasted so awful Jyoti had desperately wanted to spit it out, and Gurunathan had almost gagged. When everyone had managed to down their portion (no one dared to ask the ingredients ... Swami Miracleananda said it was prasad so holy it might burn a hole in the fabric of the cosmos if they did not drink it quickly), Swami M had asked them to put everything they owned of value into a big pot.

"I am the first, the last, indeed the ONLY cook in the universe, so let me cook you up something great!"

He had called out for the necessary ingredients for what he said was a prosperity stew that would turn them all into millionaires.

"I need fifteen wedding rings!"

Clink, clink, clink went the rings.

"I need 21 retirement funds!"

A lot of cell phones came out, calls were made, money transferred.

"We will use the Miracle Account as our extra soup pot! Pour them in!" he shouted, reeling off the numbers of that account so devotees could tell their bankers or shocked relatives on the other end of the phones.

There was a strange energy in the room that made people twitch and make funny sounds. No one offered the slightest resistance to Swami M's recipe.

"Now I need watches! Exactly 17!" He made it sound like whatever he was making would have a bitter taste, or not rise at all, if it was 16 or 18 watches.

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

"And now some gold."

"Diamonds." He did not specify the number on those. A diamond ring and a diamond brooch were dropped in.

"Now remember," Swami M said -- first asking one of his favourite devotees to pour a second round of the awful-tasting drink -- "the grace you receive is in DIRECT PROPORTION to how much you give. That is one of the fundamental laws."

People drank, and coughed, and tried to pretend the drink tasted good, and before long ten more diamonds had been collected and plopped in.

"Now, money! Remember, money is really only energy. Pour it in here, and it will be returned a thousand fold."

Theatrically, he stirred with a big spoon, and even sniffed as if some aroma no one else could smell was wafting up to his big nostrils.

"Within one week, each of you will start to receive money from unexpected sources," he declared.

But nothing of the kind had happened.