Confidential Report on Aunt Lioness

(other names: Mum Lioness, Mum Elefink)

Balaswami had submitted his report on Stripes to Jagaswami, which the latter was studying with great interest.
Now Bala was assessing Aunt Lioness. He got back onto his favorite perch outside their cave. Something small flashed out of the window of Spotty's cave. He wondered what it was, and then remembered he had seen something similar a day or so ago.

Presently the three cubs came tumbling out of the Lionses cave one after the other. Mum Lioness followed them out with some books. They sat and she read to them, and they listened keenly. He kept hearing one word but could not quite make out what it was. Sounded like "Agapanthus" he noted. Another word was perhaps "my hershey". Apart from that the rest was unintelligible.

Lioness teaching cubs the Karate chop

When demands for ice-cream cones are not immediately met, the scene can get pretty nasty.

Insubordination in Lion camp

Arunacub, will you give me a hand here. I have caught a big fish!

Bala pulled out the report card (it was a new format) and scribbled "Aunt Lioness" on top. Then he ran down the traits till he got to the right one.

Discipline: Complete lack of discipline in family. Seems like the cubs are in complete control.

Hello! what was this. After a while, Aunt Lioness declared a back-rub break! Tiru was tasked with pressing her back. A result of the tough regimen no doubt, Bala wondered. The other two worked on her neck simultaneously.

Weaknesses: Aunt Lioness needs regular back-rubs

Ferocity levels: Extremely high. Mum Lioness always on guard.

After the break, he saw something that chilled him to the bone. Mum Lioness at war! But she ended it quite smoothly.

Aunt Lioness threatening a tree with dire consequences

Bala looked down the report for the entry "Predictability" and wrote "Amazingly high" next to it. Then he went to "Handling adversaries" and wrote "Uses creative techniques".

Mum Lioness resorts to cub-hugs to restore some order in the house

Toughness: Legendary lioness toughness.

Later they were making some kind of banners to celebrate a cow's birthday.

Killer Instinct: Very high. Unforgiving hunters.

Occasionally the cubs turned to look here or there when they heard a sound. Bala was most frightened when all three came and tinksed (pee'ed) on the base of the tree he was watching from.

Later Spotty came out and played with the cubs. He saw nothing unusual on day one.

He ran back to the mansion as they all went in for lunch and broke the news to Jags and Kracks. The three of them wondered what Agapanthus meant. Jags kept repeating the word over and over as though some meaning would suddenly become clear. He thought of all the tamil words, then malayalam, then telugu, even kannada, but came up with nothing.

DAY TWO: On day two he realized one thing. The little flash that occasionally came from Spotty's cave only happened when Spotty was in.

Check out the tree on which i usually sleep. Someone we know's there!

At one point Spotty ran out excitedly and whispered something in a cub's ears. They all torned around and looked in his direction and giggled. After that they kept looking back every now and then and smirking.

Had he been discovered ?

Later in the day, Spotty and Tirucub went running into their caves and brought out little sticks. They waved them around. Ah, magic wands! Then Tirucub pointed his wand at the tree Bala was hiding in and said "Abracadabra! Tinksy Winksy!". Suddenly, Bala found himself tinksing uncontrollably. In the midst of heavy laughter, the cubs turned to Spotty and shouted "Your turn!".
Spotty called out "Abracadabra! Humpty Dumpty!". Bala's paws faltered on the branch and he found himself slipping down the tree. He fell quite noisily on a bunch of dry leaves. It was a soft fall but noisy. So they did know of his presence all along! He ran for dear life.

He made an addition to his report that the cubs were "Armed and dangerous". And a mental note that he must steal the two magic wands when the cubs go out next.



Before reaching the mansion, he put in his final assessment that Mum Lioness is a strict mother, teaching her cubs various forms of self-defence. The cubs are all black-belts in Karate and Jiu-Jitzu. They are always on the alert. All three are experts in magic too, and have been awarded the Order of Merlin, First Class. The foursome form a formidable team.

This should frighten Jags and Kracks forcing them to leave, so I can establish myself as the king of this hill alone. He smiled wickedly as he approached the mansion.

Trouble on walks, Trouble in the mansion

Every time the "swamis" went out, they thought they were seeing Spotty.

"That's him!" said Krackaswami, who had always had a fear of gorillas. "Capture him, Bal."



"What? Why me?" asked Balanandaswami.

They walked on a bit.

"Now that is DEFINITELY him. No question about it. Look at the eyes. He is trying to look easy to catch, and sweet, to trick us. When we get near, he will turn back into that gorilla," said Jagaswami, pleased with his own deep thinking.



"No, no, that was just a fawn. But THIS is really him. He is trying to terrify us! Rope 'em, Cracks. We can't let his get the upper hand like this."



"I know nothing of roping! I am an intellectual. YOU rope him."

All their walks went like this.

By the time they got back from even the shortest stroll, they were at each other's throats and quite worn out from the stress of encountering Spotty at every turn.

Balanandaswami always required a long hot soak to recover.



"Bring me a cold drink!" he always shouted.

"What?!" Krackaswami would shout back at the top of his lungs, freshly amazed and afronted each time. "Come make ME a new pot of coffee! This one has cooled off. And go down to the cellar and see if you can find me another box of these tasty biscuits."

Jagaswami wondered how the other two could shout at such length without getting sore throats.

"You can only receive my grace of you bring me gifts!" Krackaswami ranted on. "I am doing you a favour, allowing you to bring me things. Now bring me those cookies NOW!!!"



Upstairs, Balanandaswami thrashed in the water in exasperation, letting gallons slosh over the sides of the tub.



Krackasami, fuming on his back on the couch, was startled by a small shower of damp plaster that hit him in the face.



"Pity those Germans left the place in such poor condition. Crumbling ceilings. Overflowing dustbins. Mud all over the carpets. Jam on the counters. Biscuit crumbs so thick underfoot they get stuck in my paw pads. Torn sheets and burrs in the blankets. Terrible housekeepers!"

Jagaswami, meanwhile, was busy in the attic on a secret project. The other two had not bothered to climb the tall ladder that went up there, so had no idea there was a large safe over their heads. (They were aware that most of the mugs and glasses and quite a few plates had vanished, but they had no idea where they had gotten to.)

While the others lounged in the bath and on the couch, Jagaswami spent long hours trying to crack the safe.



At last!